>Tug of War?


I occasionally get asked how I am able to split my love & time between my 2 children.  (Those of you with multiple kids can stop laughing now).  This question never makes sense to me, until I think back to life before 2 kids and recall the thought process.  You look at that one special, amazing child and they are your life.  That baby is everything to you and you couldn’t possibly see your life any different.  For some, this is enough.  For others, even with all that love you feel like something is missing. 
I will be the first to admit that my entire pregnancy with my 2nd child, I was slightly worried.  I didn’t have that in-utero love for the baby growing inside me like I did with my 1st.  I worried a lot about how I would split my love & time once baby came.  I wondered if I was doing the right thing for my son by giving him a sibling.  How he would change as a person with a new baby in the house.  At times I wondered if I had made a mistake.

The moment I laid eyes on my daughter, those doubts vanished and I learned the truth.  You don’t split your love – your heart just doubles the amount of love it holds and is able to give.  I remember that moment when she was born and I looked down.  I was so flooded and overwhelmed with emotion, it was like a truck had hit me.  I was not prepared for the feeling and began crying uncontrollably.  It was not sadness, it was complete and utter joy & love for this new person I was laying eyes on for the first time.  I didn’t quite know how to control the feeling.  I did feel overwhelming emotion with my 1st but it was different for sure.  I think I was expecting it more that first time around.  I believe it can be different for everyone and you really do have to experience it to completely understand. 
So what about time?  It’s true that the clock can’t double up like your love.  Saying that though, I don’t believe I have ever had to split my time between my kids.  First lesson I learned with baby #2 – I had a LOT of free time before she came into our lives.  I spent a lot of time with my son but as he was getting older, he was becoming more independent and when baby arrived, I don’t believe he was left out at all.  We created a good balance where he never felt like he had less time with us – actually, he started to appreciate his time with us much more.  Trips to the store alone with dad became even more special.  Family time involved him teaching his sister all the wonderful things he knows how to do.  As she has grown, they have become best friends and she looks up to him.  We still spend just as much “family time” together, the only difference is that our family is now +1. 
Does this change when adding more than 1 child? 2 more? A dozen more?  I couldn’t tell you but would love to hear from those of you who are there. 

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