It’s funny how even when everything in your life is going so well, you can be even more stressed than usual. Just a couple months ago, if you had asked me where I was headed over the next few months, I believe my answer would have been a lot different than what has come to be. At the time, everything was so incredibly normal and fine that I even had time to nit-pick my family dynamic and I believe that’s where this blog began. There was nothing really wrong with my family but I had this need to perfect it. I still stand strong that the changes we’ve made have been nothing but positive but really, it now seems like such a little thing to have worried so much about. At the time, I had no idea we were going to be buying a house & making some big decisions about the future. I thought that I’d be well on my way to losing this last 20 lbs and wedding plans would be moving along smoothly. I definitely didn’t think I would feel this stressed.
The circle of stress started with buying the house. It was definitely a positive thing yet any major changes really do get to me. I have always been a very anxious person but I think the 3 weeks from when we saw the house until our offer was accepted really tested my anxiety to the max. Then came the stress of the plan for the basement reno, choosing wall colours, packing, etc etc. I’m living in this right now and every day running through my head are a million ideas. I find it hard to think of anything else, especially now that we are only about 2 weeks away from getting the keys. I have opened this page countless times over the last 2 weeks and stared at it with absolutely no words. So many things going through my mind and yet I couldn’t think of one thing to say. Even right now as I write, I am finding it difficult to stay focused.
Along with that, Mike and I have been back and forth discussing some very personal but important decisions for the family. I won’t go into detail but it’s a topic that has come up and we have definitely been over it several times now and it’s always running in the back of our minds. The one good thing is that his busy time at work has come to a close so we have him home for evenings & weekends again which is so nice.
Wedding planning, although a lot of fun, I think was being pushed to the side and is now becoming more stressful with everything else going through my head. I went to the store the other day, just to pick out a simple item to buy for the favours. At any other time, I could have easily picked out what I needed but I found myself having a mini breakdown right there in the aisle. I couldn’t make a decision, no matter how many times I walked up and down that aisle. I just wanted to get out of that store and go home. Of couse, being that I am so lucky to have Mike, it was like he has ESP because right at the moment I needed him most, he sent me a text asking how I was doing. I told him I was having a hard time making a decision and immediately he said he was going to get the kids ready and they’d come meet me. I think he just knows me so well and when I’m having trouble spending money, there must be something wrong! Such a simple gesture but it definitely brought me back down to a much calmer state and what started as an anxiety-ridden day at the store turned into a great evening with my family. Funny enough, that stress had nothing to do with the wedding but I feel like it’s just this never ending cyclone that’s sucking everything else in with it.
A big part of my stress has definitely been my non-existant weight loss over the last couple of months. I feel like I’ve hit such a rutt which is stressing me out more which in turn of course causes me to want to eat more. With trying to find time to do everything on my list, picking up the slack at work and finding more time for the kids, it’s an up & down battle for me and I’m just finding it so hard. So for once I’m putting that part of me on hold. I’m not going to go crazy and start pigging out or avoid exercise. I’m going to do what I can do, when I can do it. But if we order pizza one night because we are up late packing, I’m not going to feel guilty. I still have the rest of this months nutrisystems food and a 2nd month on the way so it will just have to stay in the box until I am ready. I think at this point, I need to wait until we are in the new house before I can really dedicate myself to sticking to any sort of program. Once we are moved and starting to get settled, I can go back to concentrating on me.
There is still so much to do and I feel like there’s just no time. Both kids have just gotten over the chicken pox so that was almost 2 weeks of time we had to focus on that. I had to take some unpaid time off work which adds to the financial stress of it all. I spent 2 entire lunch hours last week getting house insurance quotes. I still have to call all the utility companies and get that organized for the new house. Not to mention packing, buying supplies for the reno, finally deciding on paint colours…
The lists go on… and so does the circle.